Grandpa Where Do Babies Come From
by CarsmeCarlislexEsme
Summary: Little Nessie has a question that she must ask. Who else to turn to but her grandfather, he's a doctor, He'll defiantly know where they come from!


Carlisle's POV

We were all sitting at the dinner table discussing the day's events while Renesmee ate her dinner. I was enjoying a lovely conversation with my wife when my little granddaughter, who looked no more than four, asked me the most interesting question I could have ever been asked.

"Grandpa, where do babies come from?" she questioned me with the cutest look ever on her little face.

"Well Nessie," I began, "The stork brings them to the hospital."

She then gave me a confused look and argued my answer with her own remark.

"Well, I came out of mommy's tummy. I remember that!"

"That's because you're a special baby. Not like human babies what-so-ever."

"But, then where did I come from?" she pouted because she was thoroughly confused by my answer. I looked around at the rest of my family, who were truly enjoying themselves as they watched me flounder. I then decided to go with a more truthful answer.

"A seed Nessie," I retorted. "You came from a seed."

"Well, how did it get in mommy?" her puzzled face asked.

"She planted it there." I smiled in triumph looking at Bella's horror struck face. Edward was laughing at his wife with a smirk on his face when Nessie asked another "interesting" question.

"How'd she get the seed?" I looked at Bella and then at Edward. Again I smiled at my response.

"Daddy gave it to her!" Edward's laughing abruptly stopped. He turned to look at me the smirk on his face had now turned into a deadly glare. Nessie then turned to Edward.

"What color was your seed?"

Edward thought for a moment. He finally mumbled out "Blue, because it's my favorite color. It looks dazzling on mommy."

"Oh," she responded "Grandpa, do you have a seed?" Emmett then erupted with booming laughter. I thought for another moment.

"Why yes Nessie, I do." I chuckled quietly to myself.

"What color is your seed?"

"PURPLE!" I blurted out with no incentive. Esme looked at me with a What-the-hell-Carlisle look on her face that I knew oh so well.

"That's Nana's favorite color!" Nessie screamed with excitement "You should give it to her!"

"Well, Nessie I'm waiting for the right time!" Then Jacob entered the picture.

"Hey, Blood Suckers what are we talking about!"

"SEEDS!!!!!!" Nessie shrieked.

"Oh, is Esme getting some new seeds for her garden?" That's when Emmett lost it and started pounding his fists and feet on the floor.

"No, Jake! Special baby making seeds! Grandpa is being selfish and won't share his seed with Nana!" she explained as she folded her little arms across her chest.

"Oh, that's unfortunate." He responded with a confused look. I winked at him, letting him know that this was all an act to keep Nessie in the dark.

"Jake, do you have a seed?" Nessie asked. Jacob's face froze. I wasn't going to let him struggle, like my family had done with me. Thus, began the ultimate game of charades. I ran behind Nessie, and shook my head "no". Jake saw my movements and then caught on.

"No, Nessie I don't"

"Why?" she questioned.

"Because….." he stuttered and looked for me to help. I began to flap my arms up and down. "The bird…" He looked confused. I shook my head again and put my arms out wide and then flapped them. "The pelican… I mean the… the." I cupped my hand around my ear and made a nerdy face. "Sounds like…. Nerd …no…no….dork…..STORK!" I moved my arms in a motion that looked at if I was carrying something. "Brings them to the….." I pointed at the medical badge on my lab coat. "The badge……" I then began jumping up and down pointing to the word hospital. "The HOSPITAL……..because…..I have….." We stood there for a moment thinking. I then lifted up my shirt and gave Esme a hug. "BODY HEAT"

"I don't have a seed because the stork brings my baby to the hospital because I have body heat!" he yelled. I gave him a thumbs up.

"That makes sense," she replied

"It does!" Jacob yelled in surprise.

"Yep," Nessie stated, "Come on Jake lets go play!" I was glad to say that was the end of the conversation about babies for a while now.

_Fast Forward 2 years Nessie looks 12_

I was sitting at home one day enjoying the time I had off from work. I was in the living room reading a book while the rest of the family was scattered about the same area or in the kitchen with my wife. It was completely peaceful for once until my lovely granddaughter stormed in to the room.

"A SEED!" she boomed

"What about seeds?" I asked

"You!" She glared at me "I was embarrassed in front of my whole Health Class because I thought babies came from magical seeds. You want to know why I said that? Because you told me that's where they came from. A seed! Of all the dumb things, a seed!"

"You were little" I began to explain "I wasn't really going to explain the process to you!"

"Well, I want to know now!" her voice rose in anger

"You want to know? Fine ill tell you!" I yelled back

"Carlisle" Edward's voice was full of worry.

"No, Edward, its better she finds out now" I come back with. I sat my granddaughter down and looked her straight in the eye and began my speech

"Alright Renesmee, when a man and a woman have sexual intercourse…..you know what is right?"

"Yep," she smiled "The noises coming out of mom and dad's room at night."

"Yes, exactly, and during that is when a man's sperm travels to the woman's egg and fertilizes it. Thus, a baby is created."

Nessie sat with a blank expression on her face. Oh dear lord had I scared the poor girl. She looked up at me with the same puzzled look I got from her 2 years ago.

"That makes absolutely no sense what-so-ever." Nessie screeched at me

"Well, that's how it happens sweet heart" I smiled

"I believe that," she began "but then why can't you and Nana make a baby. I mean you have some type of sperm and nana has some type of egg….right?"

"Well, Yes, but Nana's eggs are dusty and frozen in time so it I physically impossible for us to have a baby." As soon as I saw my wife's mouth hang open in shock I realized it was the incorrect choice of wording.

"But wouldn't your sperm make nana's eggs not dusty" she asked. My family and I were all staring at her except for Esme, who was still glaring at me.

"Did you hear what our granddaughter just said" I asked my wife

"No, sorry I missed it. I'm still stuck on the comment about how my eggs are dusty and frozen …….you don't seem to mind them!" my Esme said sternly

"Hey, my sperm aren't swimming to well either, darling" replied angrily.

"Well, maybe that's why we can't make a baby!" She yelled

"No honey," I corrected "that would be your doing. You have some cobwebs up there that need cleaning out!"

"Bring up one more comment about my age or the quality of my eggs and I will literally rip your head off!" my beautiful Esme threatened. I stopped I didn't want to dig a deeper hole than what I was already in.

"Wow," Nessie spoke up "Things were a lot easier when I thought babies were made by seeds." And then she stormed off, leaving us alone in the living room.


End file.
